Nurturing relationships through hospitality
January 26th, 2009
If you are not now, what would it take for you to become comfortable having friends over for a casual evening?  What is it that stands in the way of you inviting people over to your home?

To be honest, that has been at the heart of my mission.   My presentations on hospitality were borne of requests by women who felt ill prepared to entertain.  These women shared with me their desire to connect and deepen their relationships through hosting.  Some of these gals had reached a level of maturity in all other aspects of their development but felt this was an underdeveloped skill.  They had spent considerable time building successful careers and raising families and wanted hospitality to be a part of their lives.  In addition to recognizing it for themselves, they also felt a void for their grown daughters having not patterned it for them.

Over the last 34 years of hosting family, friends and business associates in our home, I have found that it is rare when someone opens their home in reciprocation.   At this stage of our lives, my husband and I are splitting our time between two homes.  We are lucky to have a circle of friends in each location.  But, regardless of the locale, the trend appears to be the same.  With a couple of exceptions, people are still not entertaining in their homes. 

As a topic of discussion with close friends who do entertain but feel that they host four to five times more often than their friends, speculate why it is that guests are happy to be invited to their homes and enjoy doing so but that it is always one way.  The guests are not reciprocating except to suggest meeting at a restaurant.  The following ostacles have been suggested:

Time-No explanation needed.  We all feel pushed for time.
My house is not nice enough to have people over.
Organization-I would not know where to begin.
Performance envy-I would not have so-in-so over, she does such a great job.  How could I compare to her?
Budget-I am watching my budget right now and probably could not afford to entertain.
This is just a sampling of the reasons that stand in the way of connecting or enhancing our relationships through hospitality.  I would love to hear your thoughts on this.  Login and leave a comment.

We are at a time of unprecedented change, change that reflects a willingness for all of us to reach out, get to know our neighbors, stay connected to our friends and once again become communities of support.   We need each other in times of challenge and celebration.  I see that there is a natural opening to be stronger and closer by learning and sharing across the kitchen table.   One of the stories I share in my presentations is one of my Mother’s early memories of the final years of the second world war.  She tells of my grandmother’s standing appointment with a neighbor to meet each week in each others kitchen.  The two women would save their rationed sugar for the precious visits.  That was hospitality at its finest…the strong desire to connect and share through a cup of coffee and cinnamon toast.

Let me hear from you,

Jan